Taxidermia Is Pretty Fucked Up

(Spoilers ahead)


That’s how you feel watching 90% of Taxidermia.

You’ll laugh every once in a while, you’ll cringe more often, and for a good portion of the run time, you’ll wonder why you decided to watch the movie in the first place.

It’s one of those creepy, dirty, fucked up movies that comes from Europe. Like Ex Drummer. It’s like if you mixed Jean-Pierre Jeunet, and David Cronenberg into a nasty Hungarian concoction.

The movie is three vignettes set in different time periods in Hungary, following three generations of a fucked up family line.

The movie starts with a guy and a candle, it seems kinda arty. It’s flickering, the guy is playing with the fire, you wonder why he seems so entranced by it, and then he ejaculates a stream of fire out of his penis. Which you can see in the European poster for the movie to the right.

It’s pretty much right there that you have to decide to either continue watching or to go back to the Netflix menu, cause it’s pretty much all downhill from there.

This dude is our main character for the first 20 minutes or so. He’s got a harelip, is dumb, constantly being a perv, and seems to be the only soldier at an army post. He has a commander who spends all day giving him shit, but you don’t really feel bad for him cause he’s a gross creeper sort of guy. He spends about half his screen time being creepy and ‘batin. At one point he gets his dick pecked by a rooster, which is amusing, and at another point after having creepy/weird fantasies about a younger girl he ejaculates so hard that his seemen flies into space and becomes stars.

Yeah you read that right, he ejaculates into space. WTF?

His sequence ends soon enough, cause after his commander fiends him engaging in some hardcore pig carcass action he gets shot in the head. YAY he’s dead! Unfortunately if you’re still watching at this point, you’ve just had to see a guy have hallucinatory sex with a pig carcass. Ewwww.

And so the second portion of the movie begins. It’s disturbing in totally different ways than the first part! It’s about the son of the guy from part 1 growing up to be a competitive speed eater, coached by the commander from earlier. He’s on the Hungarian speed eating team, and he’s trying to be a world champ. So you get a whole bunch of morbidly obese guys eating a whole lot of food really fast, and then they hold strategy talks over their vomit troughs.

They encourage use of the cross over swallow, it helps for faster food intake.

There’s a love story of sorts involving the new morbidly obese main character falling in love with a large, morbidly obese lady. There’s a happy times montage, and then some betrayal, and then more gross scenes of fat people eating. I haven’t been as grossed out by eating in a movie since I saw Singapore Sling.

Things go on until the fats folks have a kid kid, who in turn end up being quite skinny, creepy looking, and the main character of the third part of the story. He’s like DJ Qualls, If DJ Qualls was more sketchy and evil. They guy loves him some taxidermy. He’s got his own taxidermy shop, full of dead animals and stuff.

His father, the fat dude, has turned into a monstrous, fat, abomination; similar to the fat vampire in the first Blade. He is so big he’s stuck in his apartment, unable to move, where he raises giant cats that eat margarine. Like these a big ass cats. He’s trying to train them to be championship eaters too. He’s brought cady bars by his creepy skinny son who loathes his existence, and eventually gets fed up and lets him die.

His son who is pretty much insane, stuffs his father, stuffs his father’s freaky, huge cats and then performs self taxidermy on himself. In what is probably the most sickening scene in the film, he puts himself into a self-embalming device, removes his own vital organs, leaving his body preserved. Almost the whole sequence is done in close-up, so you’re never quite sure what’s being cut, or how the process is actually being done, but it’s really gross none the less.

What follows next is just one of those ending that stays with you. The final scene is one I shall not ruin. It’s creepy, and wrong, and you just kinda don’t understand the sort of people who could have made such a movie, but it’s borderline brilliant in how wrong it is.

Taxidermia isn’t a movie I can really recommend. Cause most people wouldn’t ever watch something like this. It’s a strange Eastern European social commentary of some sort. I know it’s got some sort of meaning, I’m just not sure what most of it is. Watch Taxidermia if you’re in a bad mood, or if you hate things that are nice, or if you just want to feel a slow retch build in the pit of your stomach.

Uncomfortable. Yup, pretty much sums things up.

Taxidermia is available now for free on Netflix Watch Instantly, just in case you feel like letting your morbid curiosity get the best of you.

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