The Core

The Core (2003) is a disaster movie, and you’ve already seen it.

If you took elements of various ensemble disaster movies and mixed them in a blender, and then took away a little of the budget, you’d probably end up with a movie like The Core.

It fits the mold just about perfectly.

ACT 1: Scenes of mysterious bad stuff.

Then establishing various characters, some doing heroic stuff, some being scientists.

Scientists guys realize bad stuff is happening. Warn people. Come up with plan.

Meet some more side characters.

ACT 2: A Disaster that is more bad and scary than the mysterious bad stuff happens.

WE HAVE A PLAN TO STOP THE END OF THE WORLD!

CUE MONTAGE!

ACT 3: Plan goes into action!

Various unforeseen complications happen to plan.

Side Character Dies.

Plot twist from actions of side character! Didn’t see that coming!

Characters resolve some problems with each other.

Side Character Dies Dramatically.

OMG CAN THEY DO IT?

World Saved!

And that’s pretty much what you expect, and that’s pretty much what happens. The Core is essentially Armageddon, but instead of flying into space to use nuclear bombs to solve an environmental disaster they must go into the center of the Earth!

So the movie starts off with this scene of some people just dropping dead, and it’s kinda amusing an unexpected and after some science from Aaron Eckhart, we have a scene with Hilary Swank landing a space shuttle in the L.A. river. Then some bird in London get all crazy and fuck up some shit, a bus gets knocked over, little kids are crying, it’s kinda silly really, but fun. You’re like why are all these birds fuckin up shit in this movie about the core of the earth?


ELECTROMAGNETISM and SCIENCE! It’s pretty much the reason why all the bad scary stuff is going on. It shoots lightning that kills the shit outta Rome, and then it sends a radiation beam down through the heavens to melt half of San Francisco.

That’s about where the destruction ends though. There’s really not that much, those few scenes, and it isn’t actually all that impressive anymore. The CGI in The Core, has not aged well, the stuff looks about as good now as your average Sci Fi channel movie.

Oh yeah so the whole reason that all the bad scary stuff is happening is cause the core of the Earth stopped spinning due to some military shenanigans, and that fucked everything all up. So Delroy Lindo has built a spinning laser thing that melts the crap out of rocks, and he’s invented some magical alloy which he calls UNOBTANIUM that they can build stuff with. So pretty much he is singlehandedly responsible for inventing the stuff that saves the world.

So their plan is to build a giant phallic ship that will shoot lasers into the ground to melt/burrow into the core of the earth. YUP! Even less plausible than landing space shuttles on an asteroid.

The second half of the movie is essentially an example of AND THEN set piece filmaking. Bad stuff just keeps happening to keep the action moving along.

Ok so the first few minutes of the mission to save the earth go ok, AND THEN some whales show up, AND THEN there’s an underwater quake, AND THEN there’s a giant underwater whirlpool/cyclone thing…

A few hours later… AND THEN the computer screens freak out, AND THEN they crash into a giant crystal cavern, AND THEN a crystal jams the lasers, AND THEN they’ve gotta fix the ship, AND THEN it starts to cave in, AND THEN LAVA!!!!!

Stuff just keeps happening, stuff just keeps getting worse. Every time there’s a solitary moment of peace some crazy shit starts happening, like giant chunks of diamond that the Earth burrowing laser train has to avoid. It’s just not all that interesting honestly, you know which characters are gonna live and who’s gonna die, and the special effects consists of mostly a lot of yellow orange swirls with a laser train burrowing through. (A laser train of which I couldn’t find any pictures online, and as I have already returned the DVD to Netflix I don’t have a source to get one myself)

But because being outside of the laser train would kill the characters there’s not much going on besides some bad special effects shots. So we’re left a whole bunch of movie just set in the ship’s cockpit, and it just isn’t all that tense, or all that engaging.

So lots of stuff happens and they set of the nukes and then they save the world.

On the plus side I did enjoy Aaron Eckhart in the movie and there isn’t an Aerosmith them song.

The movie aint great, but it aint too terrible, besides the science being retarded and all.

I’d say that if it’s ever on TV and you’re really bored, and incapable of moving or changing the channel, you could do worse. But if you had a choice, I’d just say watch Armageddon instead.

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    • altendo
    • April 15th, 2010

    I would like nothing more than to be able to shoot lightning like that shown in the photo.

    • Anon
    • April 15th, 2010

    They stole the idea of Unobtanium from Avatar, which is a way better movie and a more accurate depiction of the future.

    Also, I agree, The Core is pretty fun to watch, despite being really science-bad

    • jon
    • April 16th, 2010

    @Anon
    I know right, shame on the makers of The Core for inventing time travel so they could travel six years into the future to steal a silly science concept from a better movie; those guys have no morals.

    But i feel that even though avatar was a better movie, had it had the laser shooting underground train/ship from The Core it would have been even cooler. Cause it’d have been piloted by wacky blue cat people.

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