Vertigo, Outland, Clash of The Titans, and Tombstone

Alrighty so I’ve watched a few movies this past week.

VERTIGO

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1958 film Vertigo is generally considered one of his best films, and an out and out classic. I honestly didn’t care for it all that much. It’s kinda boring and in the past 52 years the plot has been reworked, and redone in so many other movies that it didn’t really surprise me.

So I can see why people in 1958 would have been like “Gee Wilikers! That movie was soooo mysterious and surprising.” But as someone who has has seen all sort of different thrillers and mysteries, the whole plot is pretty lame. I know that it isn’t fair to judge a work based on the works that have come after and improved upon its formula, but honestly Vertigo has been done better. I personally liked Brian De Palma’s Body Double, cause it’s essentially an amalgamation of Vertigo and Rear Window, coupled with tons of 1980s crazy.

The best thing I can say about the movie is that you can see some of the marks it has made on the mystery thriller genre. Audience misdirection without any real clues, and a big twist and, a murder plot, it’s got the makings of a modern thriller, just nothing resembling good pacing or more than two remotely suspenseful scenes. Also Jimmy Stewart kinda annoys me.

OUTLAND

Outland is a space western/space cop movie starring Sean Connery. I know for a lot of people that’s enough to make them want to see it, but honestly I don’t really like Mr. Connery, I just get the vibe that he’s kinda an ass. But as I try to separate movie characters from the actors themselves, I have to say I enjoyed Outland.

Connery is the new marshal in space town, and he’s a no nonsense sort of guy. When space miners start offing themselves and goin’ crazy, he decides to get to the bottom of the space mystery, and ends up finding a space drug ring. It’s up to him to stop the space criminals and their crazy space drugs.

So yeah the movie has aged decently cause it doesn’t try to wow us with the future technology circa the early 80’s, so while some parts are dated, like how in the future computers will have black screens with only green type on them, most of it holds up alright. Honestly if the thought of Sean Connery acting angry and gunning down space thugs with a shotgun sounds good to you, you’ll probably like the movie.

CLASH OF THE TITANS

I’m gonna start this off by saying, that while I’m not a fan of remakes, I hope they at least keep remaking movies like this; movies that have have aged poorly and are kinda lame.

There I’ve said it, Clash of The Titans is pretty lame. I’m someone who can forgive bad movies, I can ignore bad special effects, a lot of bad acting, shitty plot, and a lot of other problems if a movie is fun, but Clash of the Titans is not very fun.

The problems start early, the plot is kick-started when the main guy, Perseus,  is a baby. He and his mom are thrown into the ocean, in a coffin, and Zeus gets pissed. We get some scenes of the gods bickering, and then Zeus is like, “Hey the hero of the movie is my son, and I’m Zeus I can do whatever I want.” So he destroys the whole city of the dude who tried to kill Percy.

The Guy We Have To Pay Attention To For Two Hours

Then we get some nice PG nudity and a montage of Perseus growing up, which consists of a shot or two of him jumping on a horse, so like by the time Pegasus shows up we know that he is good at riding horses. Honestly that’s the extent of the character development we get for the main guy in the movie. It’s unfortunate cause Perseus grows up to be Harry Hamlin, and actor with a total of one facial expression, which is seen below.

He magically gets placed into the main plot by one of the goddesses hanging around Mt. Olympus, and meets some old poet dude, who essentially is the exposition for the whole story, all the time. Then he get some magic weapons and armor from the gods.

He gets a magical sword that can cuts stuff really well, a helmet that makes him invisible, and a shield that’s really shiny, that the face of Zeus appears upon and tells him that he should keep it close by cause it’ll save his life someday.

SO OF COURSE THE FIRST THING HE DOES IS RUN OFF WITHOUT IT.

That’s when I stopped giving a crap about Perseus.

The movie continues along with Perseus being a creepy princess stalker guy, a shitty hero, and then he fights some stop motion animation monsters that vary in quality depending on the shot.

Some of the stop motion stuff is decent and some of it is pretty terrible.

Eventually there’s a two headed wolf that’s kinda cool, and a freaking robot owl that makes R2-D2 noises and tries to be comic relief. The owl is called Bubo and is probably the best thing about the movie. He manages to pretty much save the day, and honestly in most movies I would want this sort of tiny annoying side character to die, in Clash of the Titans, he’s welcome relief from all the Harry Hamlin.

It's Like If ROBOCOP Were An Owl

There’s a fight against a semi-cool Medusa, and some great sideboob from the princess, and then The Kraken shows up.

Honestly maybe if I had seen this movie as a child I’d have some nostalgia love for it, but as it stands it has not even remotely stood the test of time. I’d rather watch Jason and The Argonauts for my Greek mythology and stop motion fix. Also, there’s not at any point in the film, titans that do anything that resembles clashing.

TOMBSTONE

Honestly If you like westerns, character actors, mustaches, and Val Kilmer being awesome, you’ll like Tombstone.

Val Kilmer is like a cowboy version Jack Sparrow, to put it in a more modern perspective, he steals every scene he’s in, and pretty much chews scenery. He’s great. Practically everyone else in the movie is recognizable actor, and most of them sport awesome mustaches. Kurt Russell, Bill Paxton, Sam Elliot, Powers Boothe, Michael Biehn and a ton of other guys you’ve seen before are hanging out being angry cowboys and stuff. Kurt Russell never really seems like he’s Wyatt Earp, but plays Kurt Russell with a mustache and a cowboy hat quite well.

The pic pretty much illustrates how awesome the facial hair in this movie is (From Total Film)

Pretty Much Shows Why Tombstone Is Pretty Cool (From Total Film)

Can You Dig It?

Advertisements
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: